Well that was an emotional outburst. Thanks Ang, Mom, Sarah and almost Abby for the much needed perspective. I think I have just hit a mid-winter wall, and am burnt out.
I love my kids. I'm not the first person to be overwhelmed by motherhood, or the first to have kids close together, or the first to have a kid with sensory issues, or the first to have a kid with allergies, or the first to have kids who fight a lot. I'm not the first to make mistakes thus discouraging myself and digging the hole even deeper. I think what we need to do is stop dwelling on how hard it is. This week I have felt physically depressed, like I just don't want to attend to all the needs that keep popping up throughout the day. I just want to sit on the couch with my husband, eat chocolate and watch River Monsters (best show ever). It's winter, and I forget how much my brain reacts to that.
And truthfully, after talking to a friend who also has kids close together (and double the amount), it sounds like we had a similar week. I don't want to downplay the experience of parents who have one kid so far. That's dumb and immature. At the same time, I am recognizing that having two DOES make things a lot harder for us. Being alone with one or the other feels like such a breeze to me. Right now Wyatt and I are hanging out while Judah is out swimming with Lon. This is nice...ahhhh. Last night I took Judah for a walk in the cold. It was hard at times due to his rascally behavior, but I was fully present to deal with it. Normally I'm trying to deal with that WHILE carrying my large non-walking 1 year old. So...yeah. I think it's realistic to admit that we got ourselves into a difficult situation, and it's gonna take awhile for this family to self-regulate.
I just don't want to stay in this pity party. I already feel so selfish and inward. So snap out of it, Kelley.
Hopefully getting away for a day will help. We're going to meet up with friends in the Dells this week and take all the children to an indoor waterpark. Yay.
1 comment:
Kelley, may I just say this for all of us with children...NO ONE SAID IT WOULD BE EASY!! but, having said that, perspective is huge. i'm glad you were able to get some, and I also want you to know coming from another mom with children close in age, there will be days like this! we will feel so small in comparison to the huge task at hand of raising chidlren, but God knows you are only one gal, and for that, He gives us grace I believe...
one day at at a time is how we do this thing right????!!!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
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