Judah

Every time the boys and I attend a playgroup situation, I am reminded of Judah's struggle with SPD.  It generally only comes up when there are other children in his environment.  While I abhor labeling him, he is currently a textbook case for having a vestibular dysfunction.  Here is a checklist for some of what that looks like for Judah:

1. Hypersensitivity To Movement (Over-Responsive):
__ avoids/dislikes playground equipment; i.e., swings, ladders, slides, or merry-go-rounds - Yes, but he has always loved swings
__ prefers sedentary tasks, moves slowly and cautiously, avoids taking risks, and may appear "wimpy" - Yep
__ avoids/dislikes elevators and escalators; may prefer sitting while they are on them or, actually get motion sickness from them - N/A
__ may physically cling to an adult they trust - In social situations, yes
__ may appear terrified of falling even when there is no real risk of it - YES
__ afraid of heights, even the height of a curb or step - hehe, YES
__ fearful of feet leaving the ground - Sort-of
__ fearful of going up or down stairs or walking on uneven surfaces - yes
__ afraid of being tipped upside down, sideways or backwards; will strongly resist getting hair washed over the sink - Allows this with people he trusts
__ startles if someone else moves them; i.e., pushing his/her chair closer to the table - N/A
__ as an infant, may never have liked baby swings or jumpers - WRONG.  Loved them both.
__ may be fearful of, and have difficulty riding a bike, jumping, hopping, or balancing on one foot (especially if eyes are closed) - N/A
__ may have disliked being placed on stomach as an infant - YEP
__ loses balance easily and may appear clumsy - yes
__ fearful of activities which require good balance - yes
__ avoids rapid or rotating movements - much of the time

All of these little 'quirks' lead to one issue for Judah, which can be summed up in one word: ANXIETY.

:-(

All that to say: When I wonder why it seems like I'm always the mom at playtime who is trying to calm her child down while the others play peacefully and independently, I ought to remember that my child has some extra hurdles to overcome and give him a little grace.  Instead of expecting him to act 'normal' or 'like the other kids' I should accept/remember that perhaps he's not 'normal' and perhaps that is okay.  It's likely that I'm not a 'normal' mom either.  Raising a child with even the slightest special need throws the whole motherhood experience in a different direction.  I can't imagine being in the shoes of those who have far more to deal with.  For the most part, Judah is a typical 2 year old.  But there are things we struggle with due to his SPD that many never experience.  It's hard for me to withhold judgments of parents who think it's so hard raising perfectly normal and developmentally on-track children.  "Honestly?  You're complaining because your child eats a lot, gets into everything, and doesn't know how to share by the time they're 15 months old?"  Geez.  I know I shouldn't think this way, and for the most part I kick those thoughts to the curb.  But sometimes...

So here are the questions: What is 'normal', anyways?  Does 'normal' matter?  Do I want a 'normal' child, or do I want what's 'normal' for Judah, my unusual child?  I choose the latter, because I choose Judah with all his quirks.  When Alice (of Alice in Wonderland) asked her father if she was odd, he simply said, "Probably, but usually the best people are."  I love that little boy.  I want to help him succeed, but I don't want to change who he is.  He is smart, funny, and loving and I will take the extra work load if it means being Judah's mom just one more day.